My messenger from hell
by MidnightInDecember
Summary: Light Yagami never was Kira," L repeated slowly. "And now, he is just an unhappy boy with an eating disorder, who cannot take the pressure." "That's not true! My son is perfect!" "Apparently not to himself." L/ Light yaoi, fifth and last chapter!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, here's my first attempt at a L/ Light thing… sure hope you like it!**

**Warnings: eh, Light might be a little OOC…? Heh.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Thank you.**

**My messenger from hell **

**Chapter one: Strangely hollow **

One day, L caught himself thinking of Light Yagami as beautiful.

Since he was the world's greatest detective- no, the world's three greatest detectives- and since living in denial wasn't really his style, because it was a foolish thing and he was far from foolish, he didn't just pass it of as nothing. No, this incident made him question himself. And since he wasn't an idiot, this made him realise something vital.

One thing L was quite sure of early in his soul searching, was that it was not only attraction. It wasn't just Light's looks that appealed him. Yes, Light was good-looking. He was handsome. He was beautiful. L just couldn't wait to touch his hair.

But other than that, there were more.

Light was smart. Really smart, actually, intelligent, intellectual, maybe even more so than L himself - which L would never, ever admit, to himself or to others, that he had so much as considered the possibility. L, who wasn't used to meeting people being so close to his own level - the most were, truly, very, very far away- both liked and disliked this new turn of events. It was so much more exciting, and so much more threatening.

It was double edged.

Light was, to continue listing his good qualities, very sincere, in an odd way. He was pure, kind hearted and naïve; all of that L knew he didn't possess at all. To be so smart, Light was very stupid when it came to some things. He was a wishful thinker who wanted what was best for others.

Despite all this, he did have an enormous ego. There, he and L were probably equally matched. Or wait, maybe not; in some areas, Light hadn't got that much self confidence. Usually, he didn't hesitate to show everybody how good he was, but L had seen exceptions.

He was, in all means, a complicated person, Light Yagami.

L liked that he couldn't always tell what he was thinking, that he wasn't the slightest bit predictable. What he didn't like was that all of this was to be considered the reasons for him falling in love with the brown haired boy.

* * *

The Kira case was over.

Persons Mikami Teru, Kiyomi Takada and Misa Amane had all been arrested after being proved to have, or had, been Kira or the second Kira over various amounts of time. Light Yagami, a Kira suspect, had been freed of all suspicion. He and L had worked together on the case, and it was together they had been able to bring down all of the Kiras and defeat the notebook of death, such a powerful and unnatural murder weapon that against it, even L had needed to have assistance.

It was true, L believed he wouldn't have made it without the aid of Light Yagami.

Though he had no problem thinking he would have very well made it without the Japanese police force, but he was diplomatic enough not to tell them. It would have meant he and Light alone, after all.

His gratitude was one of the reasons he couldn't bring himself to say no when Sachiko Yagami, through her husband, invited him over for tea.

He was starting to regret it, however. L had had hopes of seeing Light, that he could not deny. It was half a month since he closed the case and he had only seen the teen two times during these weeks.

The last thing he had expected was to be alone with his mother.

Soichiro was constantly being chased by the press right now, for being the head of the hero group, and he had gotten his job back and a raise and people wanted his help with everything. He was getting invited to a whole bunch of events and the TV shows fought for his attention. To stop his family from getting all too harassed, Soichiro, being the hero he was, kept away from home right now.

Light had gotten it from somewhere.

L had no idea where Sayu was and frankly, he didn't give a damn.

"More tea?" Sachiko smiled.

"No thank you," L answered politely, biting his thumb.

If she had reacted to him emptying the sugar bowl, she didn't mention it.

They were seated in the clean, tidy kitchen, opposite each other, L with his face turned to the windows. It was winter now, the snow was falling outside, white powder from the steal grey heavens. It was afternoon and L knew he really should be working.

If this had been an ordinary case, he would already have left Japan by now. He knew he was being unreasonable, Watari kept on telling him. The old man wasn't so persistent, though; L had the frightening feeling that he knew a lot more than L himself what was going on in the detective's brilliant mind.

"Where is Light-kun?" L couldn't help but ask.

"He has his prep course," Sachiko said, nodding proudly. "He makes his mother so happy! As always, although he has missed so much, he is still best in class."

"Yes," L said. "Light-kun is bright."

'Maybe too bright.'

He moved a little on the chair. It was very slippery; he had to lean his legs against the table and hold on to the tabletop, to be able to keep his normal sitting position.

It was like everything in this house; you slipped of it, or was it the opposite? It was smooth and perfect, neat and organised, all too much so.

Sachiko was a housewife overdoing it.

Light had gotten that from somewhere, too.

"I am so glad he is cleared," Sachiko continued. "Hearing about it, like this, afterwards… my poor son!" She shook her head. "How could anybody ever believe him to be Kira?"

It didn't occur to her that she was sitting opposite to the only reason for her son's suspicion. It made L smile.

"Light Yagami never was Kira," he told her.

And this was actually the truth: L had never for real believed him to be. Maybe he, to some extent, had suited the profile, but he had early in the investigation been proven to have an alibi. Besides, the Kira they had chased had note been as smart as Light Yagami, nor had he been so refined, but L had known he was going to need help anyway.

Therefore, he had used the suspicion. L understood right away that the righteous mister Yagami never would have allowed his son to participate in something so dangerous, unless he had a reason to. L couldn't tell the team he needed the help; it would have made them lose faith in him. By making him a suspect, L had made sure to make Light a part of the case, and from there, including him in the investigation was easily done.

This was, of course, a secret. They didn't know just how well he had manipulated them.

"Light Yagami never was Kira," L repeated slowly. "And now, he is just an unhappy boy with an eating disorder, who cannot take the pressure."

L didn't know when he had noticed it, but he had. They had been working together 24/7, after all. Light had had tones of excuses, none which was very believable, and L had simply let it pass, because he had at the time being had more important things to worry about.

After the Kira case, it was easy to tell that Light had been even harder on himself than before. However, L coming to that conclusion was merely a qualified guess, he hadn't had it confirmed, and it was only to see what kind of reaction it would trigger he told it to her.

"That's not true!" Sachiko didn't sound angry, more like L's word had been a dumb joke, and she smiled the smile of the innocent and blissfully ignorant. "Impossible! My son is perfect."

She was looking straight at him, and yet, she was obviously blind.

L felt a need to raise one of his nonexistent eyebrows.

"Apparently not to himself," he concluded.

"So, those awful Kiras," she continued, not seeming to listen. "I've heard they're scheduled to be executed next week?"

"Yes," L replied bluntly. "They are."

* * *

When Light came home, L was still there. He and Sachiko had ran out of topics to discuss half an hour ago, and were now seated in front of the television along with Sayu, watching one of the teenage girl's favourite shows, starring Hideki Ryuga.

L was sitting with his knees up to his chest as always, in their living room sofa, where he looked kind of misplaced, resting his hands on his knees and absentmindedly staring at the TV screen.

It took him some time to register and react to Light entering.

"Hey mom… Sayu…" Light gave them a big, flashy and, how it looked to L, fake smile, before turning to the detective. "And Ryuuzaki, hi!"

"Light-kun," L greeted him quietly.

He hadn't had sugar for approximately two hours and five minutes and, let's see, something like thirty-five seconds. He suspected this might affect him in a negative way.

"You wanna come to my room?" Light asked, pulling gentle fingers through his already perfect hair.

Was he even human? For sure, that hair wasn't.

L just glared at him with huge, black, emotionless eyes and didn't care to answer. Then, he got to his feet and started walking towards the teen. He couldn't help but see how his appearance still looked to make Light flinch a bit: he supposed he wasn't perfect enough for the brunette's perfect world.

"Heeey mom!" Sayu shouted. "I couldn't take Touta-kun to my room! How come Light can take boys to his room?!"

She burst out giggling, like she had just said something incredibly funny.

"Oh quiet, Sayu!" Light made a face.

"Yes dear," their mom agreed, "leave your brother alone."

L was quite pleased with them not being able to know what was going on in his head.

They got up the stairs and entered Light's room, and as soon as he had closed the door behind him, the teen turned to the detective.

"Why're you here?" he asked, not the polite welcoming L had expected, but annoyance in his voice.

"Isn't Light-kun glad to see me?" L replied with a question of his own, trying to not sound too amused.

Light gave a weak and not very convincing laugh.

Did he know L could pretty much see through his usual manners? Was that why he wasn't trying so hard?

"Of course I am," he said. "Don't be stupid!"

"Silly statement, Light-kun," L said in a bored tone. "I am never stupid, and you, not being stupid either, should have noticed that by now."

Ignoring that and with a big sigh, as if something heavy was weighing on him, Light walked further into his too clean, too organized room and sat down on his made bed.

Without asking for permission, L sat down beside him. Keeping his balance while maintaining his reasoning abilities wasn't the easiest thing on a madras, so it kept L occupied for some minutes. Still, he could not help but become aware of how disturbingly short - or long, depending on how you looked at it- the distance to the ginger haired boy was, how distracting he found his very existence.

L was worried about the fact that he doubtlessly was in love with the other; love was a feeling he should not allow himself to give in to. He was good enough to not show it and unfortunately smart enough to know that the chances of him winning if he fought it was less than two percent.

"So, how has Light- kun been?" L wondered, aware of the fact that he might not receive an honest answer to that question.

"Fine, I guess." Light just shrugged. "You?"

He shifted on the bed, which was dangerously close to making L lose his balance. If it meant physical contact, it might be very risky. L did not wish to ruin their friendship, and he didn't feel very comfortable at the thought of sexually assaulting the poor, naïve boy.

That was probably not true coming to those things, anyway. It was much more likely that of the two, L was the beginner. Was Light a virgin?

He looked at the younger boy, carefully; he didn't want him to notice.

"Hey," Light said after some silent seconds. "What's with you?"

"What?" L turned his face and his whole attention towards the teen.

Light looked exhausted, even more so in here, where he wasn't keeping up a façade to his unknowing, unintelligent family. He was thin all right; thin and tired, a young man in need of food and sleep. L wondered if Light knew that he knew, whatever it was he knew, or at least what he suspected.

L wondered if Light himself understood that there was something wrong with him.

"You have never before watched me out of the corners of your eyes like that," Light answered, a little smirk at his lips. "When you usually look at me, you stare straight at me. So. What is it?"

He was a little too observant. L looked into those hazel eyes that were melted chocolate, Light looked frighteningly delicious, without flinching or blushing or changing his expression, and tried to force his heart to beat slower. Regarding L's feelings, how much did Light have figured out?

"It is nothing," the detective said, his voice and his eyes didn't betray him, but his heart rushed and the beat was filling his ears so loud it just might.

He had wanted it for so long now. He couldn't even recall when it had started. He didn't even know if he himself had seen it starting, or if it had simply snuck up on him a little at a time.

So much for being a genius. Tell the feelings they are stupid; they won't care.

"There," Light laughed, seemingly unaware of the torture he was putting the other one through. "That's your normal look! Well, it still is disturbing, I'll give you credit for that!"

He was so… casual. Didn't he notice at all? Or was he only enjoying his moment of power? L bit into his thumb to stop his hand from wandering off somewhere it shouldn't be.

Light Yagami was, in spite of better words, perfect. At least that much could be said about his looks. His face, his lips, his hands, his hair. L wanted to touch him, the smooth skin, his fingers were aching to feel that softness. It would be soft, his eyes could tell, even if Light was too skeletal, his bones were too visible.

"It was nice seeing you again," was Light's attempt at continuing their faltering conversation. "It was, well, it wasn't that long ago, but… you have any new case you're working at?"

"No." L shook his head, a small movement, barely an inch from side to side.

"Why not?" Light asked. "You know, if you ever need help, I will help you…" He couldn't disguise the eagerness in those words. "Aren't there plenty of countries out there in need of your help?"

The teen leaned a little closer to hi, a frown appearing on his forehead. L worked very hard to remain still.

Light obviously wanted an explanation and not a kiss.

"I think this might be hard for Light- kun to comprehend," L begun. "Unlike you, who is a very caring, unselfish person I am not out to save the world." The other's frown deepened. "I do not mean to insult you by saying this, it is plain facts. L, I, am known for only taking cases that interest me. Thus, when I do not find anything worthy of my attention, I do no work- or at the very least, I merely solve the cases over my computer, I do not have to be there." He cocked his head to one side. "Does Light-kun have candy?"

"Uh… no…" Light seemed taken a back by that question.

He was so close L could actually feel his breath. L wished for him to move, forwards or backwards, anything was better than him just sitting there, calm and unaffected.

'Won't you kiss me?' L begged silently, his thoughts being things he would never say out loud.

"I guess I do get that, in some way," Light said, and no matter how much the detective wanted him to, he didn't care to read L's mind. "I mean, no offence, but I have seen how… selfish you can be, coming to a case… You always want to win so beautifully, not caring for the lives you could save if you skip that attitude."

'I'm scared,' L admitted in his thoughts, 'and insecure and I do not know how to do this, but you are beautiful and if I could ask you for anything, it would inquire you kissing me. And I also think it is true that I do need to get laid.'

"I cannot agree with me being unselfish and all, though." Light kept talking, in true or fake ignorance. "I'm not a hero," he laughed, "however much I would like to think so… But who wouldn't? No, coming to that, I think you're wrong."

'Here,' L kept thinking, ignoring the teen's speech. 'Right now, before I am forced by my feelings to make a move and show you have pathetically inexperienced I am.'

"I am not trying to be humble or anything, saying this," Light went on. "And I don't think I'm better than you or something, but if you ever have a case in Japan - or, I mean, I could travel somewhere- and you need assistance, I'd be glad if you called me."

'Kiss me. Idiot.'

"I don't mean that you are incapable of doing your job or something," the laugh again, clearly false, "you are the best detective after all, but it has just been such a pleasure working with you, and…"

"Light-kun. Shut up."

Wait, did he say that out loud?

"…What?" The teen blinked. "Excuse me, did I…"

It was somewhere there L closed the distance between them and finally got Light quiet by pressing their lips together. Light's eyes widened til they were huge.

He tasted like, no, he was, honey, all the sweets L had eaten in all of his life was in that kiss, on those lips. He'd been right; Light was delicious. Even though the detective had a dozen of arguments to why this was authentic, it felt unrealistic. Light's lips were hot and wet, and L made a weird sort of jump trying to get even closer to him, embraced the brunette the best he could.

This was a dream, that was a cliché, and L was completely, irrevocably in love now. But even so, no matter how good it felt, one thing he couldn't get out of his head was that now, more than ever, he could feel exactly how skinny Light was.

When Light at last realised what the hell was happening, he parted their lips with a gasp and shoved the other man away from him.

"What are you doing?!" he shouted, disbelief in his voice and on his pretty, perfect face.

"I apologise," L said quietly.

He had allowed himself to get carried away and now the chances were he had ruined it all. That was inevitably what you got for making your dreams come true; you always had to sacrifice something.

He hurried to his feet, his face was all numb, he didn't really know what he was saying.

"I am sorry, Light-kun," he heard his own voice announce. "I did not mean it, it was only an experiment, and I really have to be going now, I have work to do…"

"Yes, yes," Light just waved his hands around, L couldn't tell if he was angry or anything, "that's good, I have to study!"

"I'm sorry, Light-kun," L slowly repeated, closing his eyes for a moment and allowing himself to take a deep breath. "Good bye."

"Bye!" Light said, and this time, his smile was definitely forced.

L walked down the stairs, out in the living room. He was starting to regain control and he could feel his face again; he was, judging by how hot it was, probably blushing. He told Sayu, who was still sitting in front of the TV, good bye hoping she wouldn't notice, and then he left.

It was early evening and L Lawliet was feeling strangely hollow.

**Thanks for reading:)! Hope it wasn't too, err, overdramatic or something… hope you liked it! Please review! And can you find my 'Gone with the wind' reference XD? Haha, it's not hard… **

**Yes, I know perfect is a very common adjective coming to Light. It just suits him so well! The name comes from the Nightwish song Romanticide, by the way… "Perfection my messenger from hell" . **


	2. Chapter 2

**Um, I haven't had much inspiration lately... it's summer! On the summer, I usually don't do much at all XD. So I'm sorry if I've taken a long time before updating. It's short, too... It's hot here, my brain is boiling, and that's bad. **

**Thanks to all you reviewers and all who has favorited and/ or alerted this! **

**I can't promise not to be this slow again... sorry.**

**The weird Gone with the wind reference was L thinking: frankly, he didn't give a damn. Stupid, I know. Hold me responsible.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own. **

**And English is not my first language, so excuse me for the possible spelling errors. I can't even spell English right- seriously. It's true. XD Please bear with me! (OK, I did that one on purpose...) Maybe they're both OOC? Sorry... **

**My messenger from hell**

**chapter 2**

Usually, when you call someone in the middle of the night, you expect to be met with irritation. If the one you're calling even bother to pick up, that is; or if they get the chance to wake up, curse, stumble out of bed and reach the phone before you, feeling a little uncomfortable due to the inappropriate time, give up and hung up.

'Usually' does, however, not seem to apply to insomniac detectives whose eyes appear to be undressing you both physically and mentally whenever they're looking at you.

L picked up after the first signal.

"Yes?"

His dry voice, no feelings revealed.

"Ryuzaki," Light cried, suppressing the shivers running through him, but wasn't good enough to keep them from making his voice tremble.

Just a bit, but detectable. L would notice it.

"What's the matter, Light-kun?"

Of course he did.

"You are sounding rather strange, as if you were about to cry," L declared wryly.

And of course he wouldn't hide the fact that he'd noticed it. Damned socially handicapped idiot.

Light took some relaxing, deep breaths, fighting down the urge to sob. What was this, now? He was making himself look bad.

This was embarrassing. Shame on him. He never should have called.

"Now you're being stupid," Light said, chuckling.

"Light-kun keeps on calling me stupid," L observed.

"Yeah, whatever. I just couldn't sleep is all." Light knew he was clinging to the phone like it was a damaged lifeline, and he sure as hell was glad L couldn't see him. "I, I can sleep now. Goodnight, Ryuzaki. Sweet dreams."

'Of me, you pervert.'

"Light-kun should know I barely ever sleep," was L's answer. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"Bye," Light said, and then he hung up.

What was he doing? Sighing, he put the phone down at his desk, spinning it around with heat less fingers, watching it with tired interest. Really, why wasn't he sleeping? He should go to bed. The room was cold anyway; he slept in only boxers, after all. That must be the reason for him trembling- it did make sense. He was half naked, and the room was cold.

Light suddenly flinched. A pen was laying at his desk, at the left side of a book about philosophy he'd finished reading this evening. The pen was out of line: how come he hadn't seen it before?

It lay at least five centimeters too far to the left. That was bad. It had been lying there for, let's see, something like two hours now.

He corrected it carefully, put it back where it rightfully belonged.

"Bad pen," he told it.

It didn't answer.

He abruptly turned his back to the desk and returned to bed. So this was what you got from not sleeping. No wonder L was such a freak.

When he crept back under the covers he wearily wondered what L was actually doing now. Working on some case? Probably being all weird, astonishingly annoying and intelligent as always. Light buried his face in his pillow without longing for sleep. That might mean he had to remember what he dreamed again.

* * *

When Light woke up again, it was still night. He knew it without having to open his eyes; if it had been day outside, the light would have shone through. The reason for him waking this time was a complete different, though. It had nothing to do with nightmares.

Exactly what was it that had woken him?

It was a feeling, of some kind. Like being watched. Yes, that was it. Like... like he wasn't alone.

Light opened his eyes, lit the lamp beside his bed, and managed to stop himself from screaming.

A pair of huge, black, apart from the darkness utterly empty, eyes were staring into his from what appeared to be something less than an inch away. The dark bags under them and the messy, black hair (or whatever you called it) above them, the pale skin surrounding them; he didn't need any of it other than the eyes to tell it was L.

Those eyes that pierced you in a far from pleasant way- how he hated them.

L had a small smile on his lips, which made his face look even creepier.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Light hissed, trying to move away from the freak without making it too obvious.

"Light-kun did call me." L looked slightly offended. "I assumed that meant he was in need of my company."

"So you just fucking broke into the house?!" Light yelled, getting more and more upset- he didn't often use the f-word. "And when you talk to me, I'm 'you', not 'he'!"

L gave a little, irritated sound.

"I'm not you," he replied, dead serious. "Light-kun is lying."

"...Wha...?" Light made a face when he finally got it. "Oh shut it, Ryu! It makes you sound like Misa, you know that?"

That was one of the positive things about arresting Misa as the second Kira: no more obsessive stalker girl. God, he didn't miss having her around.

He just hoped they could hurry up executing her, so she wouldn't get a chance to escape and start tormenting him with some weird notes or killing his cat (not that he had one) or something.

"Now Light-kun is insulting my very being," L accused him of.

"Well, you can't say you didn't ask for it!" Light was, by now, lying pressed up against the wall and it wasn't really comfortable. He did his best to shield himself with one of his gray pillows. "Go away!Off with you! Go to hell!"

"I have not made a move in Light-kun's direction," L pointed out. "Why do you act as if my biggest dream would be to molest you in your sleep?"

'Cause I know it is. Creep.' But Light was all too polite to say that out loud.

"I'm saving myself for marriage!" he shouted instead, not being able to retreat further.

As long as someone didn't wake from his screaming, it was all good.

"That's fine, Light-kun." L examined his favorite chewing object, his right thumb, and didn't even care to glance over at the teen. "I am not planning on raping you, although I must admit the idea has crossed my mind."

Light jerked an eyebrow, not really sure if the detective freak could see it since he was now a part of the shadows in the corner, and stayed in his (hopefully) safe position.

"You're not helping," he said, scowling.

"I was joking," the detective explained, but since Light was quite sure he lacked sense of humor, it didn't convince him.

'Yeah, as if. Weirdo.'

"Now I've had your company," Light said. "Can you go away? This is a crime, you know!"

A smirk appeared upon L's face.

"Would Light-kun have Kira kill me, then?"

Okay, his only sense of humor was just plain weird.

"Please?" the teen begged.

To this, L didn't react at all. He simply stared, eyes like abysses filled with nothing but black, and God, this was just wrong!

"Are you even listening? Hello?" Once again, Light raised his voice without giving it a second thought. "What if my family finds you in here? That would be so... Ugh, I can't think about it!" Trying to go back to his usual, polite manners, he added: "It was really thoughtful of you and all, but I do need to sleep now."

'Cause I don't wanna end up like you. Ha ha, fat chance. I'm a pretty straight A student with a great fashion sense and nice, no, lovely, hair, and even though it might be infectious, it's a high probability I'm immune.'

The night was screaming with the voice of the wind outside and it was easily heard over their silence. L had a somewhat odd look at his face, odd because it was so concerned, caring in a way that made Light nervous.

What was it with those eyes? Last time he checked, they contained nothing.

Who would've thought the goddamn antisocial geek could show something so close to being earnest emotions?

On the other hand, Light had never expected L to kiss him either. Rather clumsily, it had been too. Without knowing why, he felt his face get taken over by an uncharacteristic blush.

"I endeavor to forger the fact that Light-kun has yet to thank me for coming here," L said, sounding as if this attempt of his made him a very good person.

"Fu...damn! I didn't ask you to come here!"

"But you called me."

"I was confused."

L's eyes were mesmerizing.

"Light-kun," he said calmly. "What was it that you dreamed?"

No. No, he was not going to tell. Light grimaced before pulling the cover over his head, hiding from the eyes and not the night.

It was so cold and so unfriendly, sinister and vicious, and he could not shield himself from it, for it was under his skin, running with his blood, and nobody else could see it.

What was it? Something L was far too logical to understand.

"Go away!" Light repeated, doing his best to not scream too loud.

No answer to that but the silence. If he was lucky, it meant L was sneaking off somewhere by now, like back to that fishy swamp he originally came from. Or that hole in the ground.

'No offense, Spider man, but you make me f-ing nervous.'

Suddenly, he felt something pulling at his feet. He yelped when two ice cold fingers made their way to his bare skin.

"What the hell are you doing, you fucking creepy bastard?!"

He threw the covers of him while delivering that sentence.

"What language," L said. "I did not think you were permitted to speak that way in this house." He bit into his thumb again, but wouldn't remove his left hand from Light's feet. "Light-kun's room is boring. This house is boring. His whole family is boring too, except maybe for his sister. She must be adopted..."

"I don't care, smart ass!" Light interrupted. "Hands off!"

"Light-kun has nice feet," L commented.

"I do," Light agreed. "But they are my feet. Mine! Don't touch!"

To assure they didn't fall victim to those freezing skeletal fingers again, Light pulled his feet up from the end of the bed and decided to sit on them.

"It is as if you do not want me to massage your feet," L said sadly.

"Damn right!" Light snapped, very tired, irritated and frustrated by now. "No. Please. I want to go to sleep."

"What if you dream again?" L asked.

"I won't," Light said, even though that was the thing he feared the most himself.

"It does not feel good to leave you without have accomplishing anything," the detective murmured. "I...wanted to comfort you."

He said it hesitatingly, with a warmth his face did not show.

'The ice is very thin, and it's getting thinner,' Light thought. 'It is very fragile. And when the flow breaks through the wall, there'll be black water both underneath and behind me. It will take me with it.'

"Please, let me sleep."

Maybe it was the tone of desperation in his voice, but L seemed to finally decide to take him seriously.

'Please, make it stop...' Light went on thinking, quietly rambling. 'It's here already. No, it's coming, and oh god I cannot swim...'

"I will... go now," L decided.

Then he did something that was as unexpected as the kissing incident; he leaned closer to Light and had his lips touch the younger boy's forehead.

Light got the feeling that even this sleep deprived odd ball knew something he didn't, but it burst like a bubble the moment the lips left his skin.

"Good night, Light-kun," L said.

He said his name so often. He always said it, and Light needed to hear it. Maybe he understood the shadow casted by the dark madness lurking at the back of his mind.

'Would you save me if I asked you to?'

He didn't need to be saved.

'Could you?'

"Good night, Ryuzaki." Light smiled, but it felt unnatural.

'When did I forget how to smile and mean it? Ah, right, as I recall it was the images tearing apart my sanity... and yet, I'm perfectly sane.'

"Ryuzaki, wait!" Light called out, but by then, L had already gone.

"I had this horrible nightmare," he told the empty room- an unsatisfying substitute for L and his unwashed hair. "I dreamed I was Kira, and that I killed you. I dreamed I smiled when you died."

The laugh raising in his throat was not his; it belonged to someone who should rightfully be instituted at a psycho ward, and that mere thought made him laugh even harder.

**It's kind of short, I guess. The pen part was fun to write XD! Light being crazy... it suits him. **

**Hope you liked it! And if you did (and if you didn't) please review! It makes me happy.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, updating at last! I'm sorry... I'm just coming up with all this new stories and... well, here it is anyway! :) so enjoy.**

**Heh, the guys bullying (or at least trying to bully) Light is familiar, are they not? **

**Warnings: um, Light's use of language? He's really not as nice as he seems! And yeah, English not being my first language, beh. ...OOC?...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own.**

**My messenger from hell**

**chapter three:**

"Hey smart ass!"

The sudden scream made Light jump.

It also made him turn to look behind him, even though he knew that ignoring them was the best thing to do. School, full of the soon- to- be criminals: the bullies divided into two categories: the brutal and dumb, and far worse, the smart and cruel.

This guy was the worst example from the worst of the two. He had a wicked smile, a disturbingly geeky haircut (and he was blond, golden haired, like a freaking angel, or at least disguised as one.) and ice blue eyes, which held an intensity and a rage that would probably make small children cry.

He stood out: there wasn't so many blonds – naturally blonds that is – in Japan.

Light didn't know his name, but of all the things he didn't like about school, this mean and childish boy was on top of the list. And of course – just Light's luck – they happened to be in the same class.

He had a pathetic friend, too, who followed him like a loyal but oh so laid-back dog.

"You look starving, Yagami-kun!" the blond said now, and the smirk widened. Seriously, did he think he was being clever? "Hey, bitch," he hit that pitiful friend of his, who was absolutely not paying any attention whatsoever, "how long would you give Anorectic-san before he peels over in class?"

"I dunno," his friend said, only giving it a shrug, before turning back to whatever it was he held hidden beneath his desk.

Okay, Light knew what it was. That guy was a sad, sad creature who held only one talent in his sad, sad life, and that was games, which was sad in itself.

If he _had _been Kira, that sort of people were the ones he'd killed off. That was a comforting thought.

Light faced forward again, coming up with a bunch of suiting answers (including the somewhat crappy, but probably effective: "I don't care what _little girlie girl _thinks about _my _looks.") but he was too polite – he had his reputation to think about, after all – to actually say anything.

'Little blond bitch will just be a cheap whore in the future anyway,' he thought, trying to stick to the illusion where he wasn't the constant loser. Where he won by shutting up and doing nothing but ignoring the insults.

'Fucking slut. Hope she dies in AIDS or something, and then hopefully that little man whore of hers will commit suicide by something so painful as burning himself alive. Yes, that'd be fun.'

He just wanted class to end. He knew all this already – he'd say he was approximately five weeks before the teachers, in all subjects, except for that dumb ass subject philosophy, where it was only four and a half week. Why did he even bother coming here?

Oh, right. His mom expected him to.

'Stupid housewife bitch to not see my true potential.'

The moment he had thought that, he felt ashamed. He loved his mother. He wanted to make her proud. And he respected her: that was just the frustration speaking...

He felt really low over all, when thinking about his life. His family was kindhearted and caring, and he wouldn't trade them for any other in the whole world, but still, they would never understand him. And school sucked. Listening to the teachers knowing he would do a so much better job, and not pronounce so many things wrong, and not be so boring you just wanted to kill them or yourself, that was awful. And in general, just looking at all the retarded people here all day made him sick, and his IQ was probably in danger of dropping.

Slowly but surely. He'd be dumb by the time he got out of this shithole.

Okay, not dumb. But ordinary. And smarter than those fuckers here. At least he had Sayu. Sayu was the purest person he knew, she was a light shining alone in those dark, dark times of cruelness and stupidity. Those dark, dark times that had been chased away by Kira and returned the moment Kira was captured. He could have been Kira, alright. Sometimes it was scary to ponder over how close his own ideals were to that monstrous mass murderer's.

People like his sister should be rewarded. People like Blondie and pet should be punished. Fuck, he almost wished he had been Kira so he could have just killed them off in some humiliating accident. That'd been fun.

School was over for the day. Immature and unintelligent bastards who spoke too loudly flooded the corridor. Light was stuck in it, moving with the mob.

He wished they would just go die already. Since L's weird visit in the middle of the night last week, he hadn't slept an entire night through, and his sleep was never dreamless. There was a disease, an illness, hidden in his subconscious. It kept infecting his dreams and turned them all, without exception, into nightmares. No wonder he was so easily irritated today.

The strangest thought suddenly struck him: he wanted to talk to L. No, needed, he _needed _to talk to L. L was smart enough to match him, he was an equal. Light was choking on all the stupidity around him.

Some other guy – not the blond bitch – was waiting by his locker. Light made a simple but, to himself, somewhat surprising decision: no books today. He just passed the asshole without stopping and without turning around, though he would have loved to get a look at his face.

If it wasn't bullies, it was idiots needing help with their homework. If it wasn't idiots, it was his so called friends. He could stand neither of them, especially not today.

He went home wondering how the ground could reflect the sunlight like a mirror, making it so intense his eyes burned. He cried without even noticing it until he got home and Sayu worriedly pointed it out.

Though he knew it would have been good for him, he never got around to call L.

There were no monsters under his bed or in the closet. No, he could hear them, they were moving through the walls. They were made of darkness, not of shadows, and they wanted something from him. Like his heartbeat, like his body heat, and every breath he draw was intoxicating.

That night, Light dreamed he died and was buried alive.

"L?"

"Yes, what is it, Light-kun?"

The answer came immediately. L had said that this line was always open, that Light could always call, but yet, Light hadn't believed him. But now, he'd called two nights in a row and L had answered faster than any regular person got to the phone. Was he creepy or what?

L sounded bored out of his mind. Not just indifferent; he was suffering from real boredom. Light knew that feeling a little too well.

The middle of the night again – okay, okay, this time, it was close to dawn – and he was calling the one with the lead role in the freak show once again.

What was this, when the hell did all his pride go with his sanity?

"It is as if Light-kun thinks I am his mommy," L commented. "This is the second time he comes crying to me at the most impolite time."

"I-I am not crying," Light snapped weakly and wiped away some tears from his hot cheeks.

"Then, what do you want?"

L didn't sound caressing, perhaps he had used up all his love last time they spoke, and now he was more like rather impatient. Light muttered something very much like "Fucker" under his breath. Then he pulled himself together and managed a smile, though L couldn't see him.

"Can I come over?" he asked, and his own question stunned him a little.

"Is that why you are calling?" L wondered wryly. "What do you have in mind?"

He was so humorless sometimes, Light was convinced he was somehow just fucking with him.

"Nothing like what your twisted brain comes up with, you dumb slut!" the brunette scowled.

And then he bit his tongue. What was with this anger? It was suffocating him. It felt like he was swimming in gasoline with a lit cigarette in his mouth.

Dangerous, to say the least. Besides, he'd never smoke, you could get cancer!

"...slut?" L's tone held amusement.

It was like this was all a big joke to him. It pissed Light off even further.

"Fuck you!" he nearly screamed. "Just...can I come over, or what? You better give me some goddamn directions, or I'm hanging up right now!"

There were some minutes of silence.

"Your use of foul language is improving," L then noted, silently.

No fair. That creep was so good at hiding his feelings, Light right then and there wanted to strangle him.

'I'm gonna catch fire. I am going to burn.'

"Would you hurry, please?" he said, in a voice not quite belonging to him

"Okay, since poor Light-kun is so persistent," L finally agreed. "I will tell you the address. But since I always, no matter what circumstances, must be careful, I will give you a riddle only a person who have been close to me would be able to solve, providing you with a password you will have to use to get access to my room. Is that clear?"

Snickering, which was very unlike him and sounded unbelievably creepy, L awaited an answer.

"Yeah, yeah, say it already, idiot."

Thus, L gave him the riddle. It was simple. It went something like this: 'Take the color of my eyes and something I very much like to eat, and fuse the first word with the second half of the second word, and you will get this fruit.'

L thought of someone named Brown who had played a small part in a case a few years back, which took place in Los Angeles and where the culprit was a scary L look alike.

Light passed the test. He knew the answer.

L turned out to be situated in a suit at a five star hotel that was too big for the average family, let alone a single person, but so stuffed with electronic equipment it didn't really seem to matter. There were candy all over the place too, of course, and cake, some of it half eaten, and empty cups that had probably contained that disgusting sugary fluid that L liked to call tea.

It was so messy Light felt it as if he was gonna faint just from entering. It was disgusting. It made him wanna throw up. He hid his nausea, however, disguised it with a smile.

L sat in the middle of the room, on the sofa, chewing his horrible excuse for a thumbnail as usual.

"Hello, Ryuzaki," Light said.

L turned his eyes to the teen, bottomless, empty in a way that was lack of emotion and not of intelligence.

"Call me Lawliet," he said.

That caught Light totally off guard. What...?

No. That couldn't possible be his real name. He couldn't just have one name anyway, and he would never tell it to Light so casually. There were no reason to. He wasn't the sort of person to simply decide to trust somebody: even if he had trusted Light, which the brunette doubted, telling him his real name was just plain stupidity, seeing how it was not necessary at all.

Maybe it was just some way of trying to con the teen, or another alter ego. But he had sounded so serious – that was what had led Light to believe it was his real name he'd revealed in the first place, even though he hadn't actually said anything of the sort.

All of this went through the overly intelligent student's head in less than thirty seconds – was he just thinking too much?- and when one minute had passed, he was confidently smiling.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I asked you to, and you have good manners?" L suggested. "Even though the last only seem to apply to you when there are others around."

"No, seriously." Light flashed another smile. "Is that another of the detectives you pretend to be?"

Without even blinking, L responded:

"No, nothing of the sort. It is my real name, Light-kun, or should I say, my last name. My given name you already know, and so does all the world."

Light couldn't help it: his eyes widened. He didn't even have self control enough to shut his mouth.

"Wait, why are you telling me this?" he managed to say at last. "Are you lying?"

If that were so, there was no way for him to find out anyway. And it wasn't as if he had any use for L's real name – he wasn't Kira – so it didn't really matter, even if it were true.

"...What were you hoping to gain from telling me this?"

"Oh, nothing." L gave a shrug and turned back to his computer, staring at the glowing screen which light was reflected in his eyes. "I simply wanted you to know this."

"You were trying to charm me!" Light concluded and pointed an accusing finger. "You were just trying to get laid, as usual!"

"However much your ego makes you want to think that, you are wrong."

Light sat down beside the oddball without asking permission. L could see through him anyway: why bother pretending?

"You're miserably failing anyway," he said.

"So, how is Light-kun?" the detective asked, ignoring what Light was getting at.

Oh, right. He came here for a reason. What was it, by the way?

"Uh, I dreamed," Light said.

Why did that make him come running to L? He always dreamed. He dreamed so often it made him loathe sleep, resent the night. And every day, he woke up to find himself uglier than the day before. How ugly could one get, anyway?

He tried so hard to be perfect, yet the person staring back at him from the mirror more and more resembled a failure.

"Nightmare?" L said.

"No, I dreamed of puppies and kittens and rainbows and stuff," Light muttered.

"Does Light-kun fear this things?" L asked, seemingly confused.

"Oh fuck you, I was being sarcastic!"

"So you did not dream of puppies or kittens or rainbows or stuff?"

"Do you have to be so retarded? It's so like some dumb kid to take everything literally."

"Now you are angry again," L remarked.

"There's no hiding anything from you, is there?" Light replied ironically.

"No, there is not." At least L took it seriously. "I am the best, and thus..."

Light cut him off mid sentence by leaning against his shoulder. L stiffened.

"...um, Light-kun, what are you doing?"

"I'm tired," was the only answer he got. "It's really nice talking to you, you know..."

He trailed off and yawned, comforted by the warmth of L's body. He looked like he would be cool to touch, but he really wasn't: L was warm and Light was cold, though the latter felt like he risked catching fire.

L made him relax, in a weird sort of way. Everything and everyone else just made him tense. There were so many dumb asses everywhere he knew he had been damned lucky to meet someone like L at all.

"I like you, you know..." Light sleepily murmured. "I forgive you for being such a freak..."

**So, well, um... I'm kind of mean to Light, am I not? Anyways, thanks for reading, and you know it: you want to review!! Can you solve L's riddle? Haha, it's not hard. You'll get cookies! Yay cookies! **

**...if you don't have anything else to do, you can go check my newest story, Your darkest dreams XD. Wiih!! ... am probably gonna be this slow with updating throughout this story... am very sorry... please give me your opinions! :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, so I'm slow. I apologize. It's school and stuff that's taking my time XD. No, really, guess you could just call me lazy. And I'm not as rabid a death note fangirl as I used to be. **

**Anyways, end excuses. Here goes nothing!**

**Disclaimer: don't own. **

**Warnings: guess Light is OOC. Some cursing. **

**My messenger from hell**

**chapter four**

Light awoke to birds singing and his mother joining in while she were making breakfast in the kitchen.

Well, no, he didn't. He wished he had. He could remember when he had used to do just that. But he was too high up to hear any birds and besides, it was too cold for them now. And his mother wasn't here. No. But someone else was.

Light got out of bed and it finally occurred to him what that sound he had been hearing up til now actually was. Fingers on a keyboard. L by his computer. That he hadn't realized it, when it was so obvious.

He couldn't remember falling asleep yesterday. He must have been really tired, to let his guard down around creepy L. The room had just one bed, but since L barely ever slept, he supposed it hadn't mattered. He couldn't recall any weird actions from the detective's side anyway.

When he had gotten dressed – after taking a shower, of course, and after having a hard time to accept that he would have to wear the same clothes as yesterday. - he walked out into the room where L was seated. Light noticed that the eccentric genius looked more tired than usual. Perhaps he had gotten even less sleep than normally, since _someone _was occupying his bed the entire night.

"Good morning, Light-kun," Ryuzaki greeted. He didn't even look up but kept his eyes firmly set on the screen in front of him. "Your cellphone was ringing this morning, and it just wouldn't stop, so I took the liberty of turning it off. You wouldn't wake up – you must have been very tired indeed."

"I wasn't," Light protested, though he didn't really know why he was denying it.

It was just... a sign of weakness, was all. Perfect people weren't weak. He was perfect. Simple logic: he wasn't weak.

He was getting sick of this whole pretending game by now. It wasn't fun to play when you hadn't volunteered.

"I should probably be getting home, then," he muttered.

"Aren't you gonna eat anything?" L asked.

Nothing in his tone to betray his thoughts, but Light knew what he was thinking.

"I've already eaten," he said, a little too quick, even though it was obvious he hadn't, since he just woke up.

"You have?" L could have raised an eyebrow – his hair was in the way, so Light couldn't really tell. "You can't have. Why don't you join me? If so, you can always throw it up later. Refusing is just plain rude."

"I don't do that."

"What?"

"I don't throw it up. I'm not bulimic. Do you know what that does to your teeth?"

"So that is why you do not eat at all?"

"I do! You have nothing to do with it. Asshole."

L sighed, resigned, as in 'Okay, it's your problem.' Just because he was imagining things...

Light tried to ignore the burning ache in his stomach; it wasn't proof of anything, anyway. Whenever it appeared, it seemed to have something to do with him being nervous or angry or anxious. It wasn't the lack of food or anything as stupid as that. It was the whereabout of his strongest emotions.

Maybe it was his lack of sleep – the shadows under his eyes seemed to have grew deeper – but L wasn't that persistent today.

"You might want to check your phone," he reminded the younger boy, and then he turned back to his computer.

There was something about him that made Light slightly uneasy. He had a sort of resignation on his face, as if he had given something up. He had a darkness in his eyes that wasn't just the color of black, but the feelings of shadows.

"I might," Light sneered and flipped his phone open.

All this worrying and doubting made him irritated. It was like the detective was only doing it to mock him. Caring about him, playing the part of a worried parent, or an older friend. Not that he wasn't older, but... They were equals, and as such, there was no reason for L to treat him like some stupid child. Why had he come here,anyway?

And besides, L was the strongest person he knew, especially when it came to dedication; he would give nothing up before doomsday.

When he had turned his phone back on, Light was surprised to find nothing less than twenty one missed calls, despite what he had been told by L. Thirteen from his mother, one from Sayu, and seven from his father. Wow. He hadn't believed his absence would cause such a great deal of worry from his family.

He dialed the number to his mother and she answered immediately.

"Light!" she yelled, so loud L no doubt could hear her.

Light felt the blush color his cheeks, probably to some bright, ugly tomato red that so did not go with his hair.

"Mom..." he began, in an attempt to start explaining.

"Where were you?! Light, everyone has been so worried about you! You didn't pick up! Where are you?!"

Light gave L an angry look. And that bastard couldn't even answer and say 'yes, your son is okay, no need to get hysterical.' To his avail, at least he didn't look amused. In fact, he didn't even raise his gaze from the screen, the source of the only light in his eyes, and he clearly didn't feel or at least didn't mind being stared at.

"I'm with L," Light said, a quiver in his voice, from what he couldn't tell. "It's okay... I... just needed to get away for a while. I slept here, so it's..."

"In the middle of the night? You slept where?!" his mother interrupted. "Where are you?"

"Please calm down, mother." Light would usually curse his good manners – those that forced him to put up with people's shit, and that L seemed to be the only one to change – since they left him no choice but to be polite, but for once, he was actually grateful for having them. Good manners were a quality indeed when you couldn't figure out anything meaningful to say. "I am okay. I am sorry for worrying you, it was just... I needed some time for myself. And then L helped me out by lending me a hotel room."

Not that he had actually done that; Light was more of an intruder. But whatever, his mother deserved the prettiest lies.

"That's... good, then." She sounded a little bit calmer now. At least she kept her voice down, so that L didn't have to overhear the entire conversation. "Can you come home, now? We need to talk."

Ugh. A 'need to talk'... and that meant what? 'You're grounded, young man'?

"Okay then." Light did his best faked smile and turned away from L, so that he didn't have to see it. "I'm coming now. I am sorry, mom."

"Okay. Bye."

He hung up.

L had closed his laptop now... when did that happen? And he was looking straight at the brown haired boy, questioning him with his eyes.

"Will Light-kun be going?" he asked.

"Yes." Light sighed. "Well, thank you. I... needed this."

"Light-kun is less foul mouthed today," L said.

The teen then turned to leave. He couldn't stand those eyes. Fucking eyes. Silent questions were the worst.

"Good day to you, Lawliet."

After receiving a lecture from his worried – to – death parents, Light went to his room. He lay down on the bed and rested his weary head. His weary soul. Was he just miserable? And powerless, and bored, and tired. Nothing new to you there, no. Nothing he hadn't thought before. No change.

Could you die from boredom? You sure as hell could kill from it.

Light raised a hand in front of his eyes and watched it. Just watched it, to see if something about it had changed. The skin was as delicate as ever; the fingers slender. A perfect hand. But was it thinner? No, it couldn't be. To be too thin wasn't beautiful, anyway. And he ate. Sure he did.

He just couldn't remember the last time he'd done it voluntarily.

Now he was just being stupid. Why starve yourself to death when you already were everything you needed to be? He ate. He ate. When was the last time? 'Stop asking yourself stupid questions, dumb and smart and faulty and perfect Light. It's not normal.'

When was the last time?

The voice in his head just wouldn't shut up. Convinced that it was L – L the almighty, who had in an unknown manner placed a part of himself inside a poor confused boy's aching head. - that was actually talking, Light sat up to scan his surroundings, just to make sure. It was L's voice in his head. Couldn't that jackass keep it for himself? This was stupid. This was stupid.

He ate.

The next day, when he had gotten out from school at last, when all the time he spent with idiots had made his head spin round and round, he found L waiting for him outside.

Opposite the school gates, with an ice cream in his left hand, and a lollipop in the other. It looked like he took turns licking them. The ice cream was melting: L didn't seem to care about it dripping from his long, white fingers. Out in the sun, and surrounded by cheerful people glad to finally have a warm day again, he looked completely out of place. It was just something with the words 'outside' and 'L' that did not harmonize with one another.

People were staring at him, too: Light tried to come up with arguments not to turn and run in embarrassment. 'Oh yes, this freak is a friend of mine.'

"Light- kun!" L waved at him and started towards him.

That's what you get, when you hesitate. He got a chance to see you. He even called your name.

Light hastily checked for people he knew and walked faster. 'Let's get you away from here, mr Circus freak.'

Together, they began walking in the direction of Light's house. L was quiet, apart from the little sounds he made when licking his ice cream, and he kept up with Light's paste, that really was faster than need be.

Light was thinking of how to best hide his face if he happened upon somebody who knew him, and didn't pay L the least of attention, until the detective almost hit a passer by with his lollipop.

"Stop waving that thing around!" he demanded, and L's only response was a blank look. "Why did you come to see me anyway?"

"I figured Light-kun needed to be walked safely home from school," L said. "What with all his disappearances to unknown locations."

"No, seriously?"

"I wanted to see you," L said. "To tell you I am leaving."

Light stopped dead in his tracks. He stared at the other man with a look of total incomprehension.

"You're what, leaving Japan?" he asked, not sure why this meant so much to him.

"Yes. What an impact this seems to have made on Light-kun." L cocked his head. "You knew I could not stay here forever. I have a work to do and it is important for this world."

"Yes."

That was all Light could say, really. One meaningless word. What had he expected, that L would permanently move to Japan? Start living here for no reason whatsoever?

"Don't be sad, Light-kun," L said silently.

Light didn't care to say any of the things L had probably expected to hear, like 'Why would I?' or 'I'm not gonna be!' Instead, the one thing he said was a question:

"When are you leaving?"

He couldn't do this anymore. What was this feeling? Hopelessness. Was that what you called it? Even being depressed got old at some point.

"Tomorrow," L simply replied.

"Oh... okay." Light frowned. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I didn't know before. This was not planned, but there is a murderer on the loose in Chicago and it is such a special case, it caught my interest."

"So you're going to Chicago," Light said.

Maybe he was a doll of some kind, created to deliver the same lame lines over and over. L had finished his ice cream, and he had somehow got rid of the remains without Light noticing it.

"So you're going to Chicago," he repeated, just because he wasn't sure he had said it out loud the first time. It didn't sound right. "So you're going to Chicago?"

There, that was better. A question, so L could actually say no if he had gotten it all wrong.

"Light-kun, I will see you tomorrow." L nodded his head in a peculiar way, almost as in bowing it. "Right now I have some arrangements to see to before I am off. I will come and say good bye tomorrow." He took Light's hand, but Light pulled it out of his grip, with a hissed 'Don't touch me!'. "Goodbye for now, Light-kun."

"Sure, bye for now." Light held his hand as if it had been burned by the other's touch, and he could feel the tears rising in his eyes. He held them back.

The detective turned his back on the teen and started to walk away.

"Goodbye for now," Light whispered. "Goodbye forever."

Feeling like a melodramatic idiot, he watched the black haired man go, and wondered why he had thought that _he _could be the reason for anyone staying anywhere.

**Um, okay. XD too short, I guess, and not that good, but it turned out better than I had expected, at least. I had to end it there. And I say it's probably just one more chap to go, but I guess that showed. ** **Haha, I think it was sad, but I'm the writer, so I really shouldn't say anything XD. I want your opinions on my out of character Light's and my weird pervert L's conversation. Please review! **

**And I can't promise anything, but I'll do my best to get the last chapter up soon. **

**Thanks for reading. You guys are the best I have. I really appreciate all your reviews:) and favs and alerts! **

**...hope it's not too hasty...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow, I'm working fast now XD! No, but seriously, you guys, you're support really helped! I was so glad to get your reviews and alerts and favorites! Thanks a lot!**

**So, last chapter O.O! What? When reading through all the chapters, I was actually quite happy with how it came out... but I couldn't have done it without your help, so a big thank you is in order :). Hope you'll like it.**

**...wait, anyone else who have noticed that I only gave something like the first chapter a name? XD**

**Disclaimer: don't own.**

**Warnings: Well, duh. It's the OOC Light I've been telling you about... and my improving, but far away from perfect, English. **

**My messenger from hell**

**chapter five**

The sun was shining brightly from a cloudless sky. The weather was scornful, it was laughing at them all. At him, at least.

He didn't see the light. He couldn't feel the life.

Without being able to turn his look away from the all too blue sky up above, he backed away from the window. Now you see it, now you don't. Instead of the colorful, hateful heaven, his eyes were now fixed on the brown ceiling over his head. What was it with this lovely weather?

It was cold two mere days ago. And yesterday, it changed, and today, the unnatural heat remained. What was it with the taste of blood in his mouth? Had he bitten his tongue? Was he bleeding now, or was it all imagination playing tricks?

He felt that all of this was somewhat disrespectful. This was not the weather of a day when you were supposed to say goodbye.

Before he was able to wipe the tears away from his cheeks and deny that he had ever cried them, his phone started vibrating. He had turned the sound of: he couldn't bear it. It was awful. He should have just destroyed the stupid fucking device when he had the chance. To shut it up.

What about bidding someone farewell was worth all of this?

He answered before he could stop himself, it was more of an instinct, just to make the vibrating stop.

"Hello?" he said, though he wanted to tell whoever it was to go to hell, to piss off and leave him alone and never, ever bother him again.

'Leave me to the laughing sky, the smiling sun, the emptiness of this false summer.'

"Light? Where are you?" His sister's voice. "Mom's made lunch, you know... hope you're not meaning to get her all worked up again."

He frowned.

"I'm..." he looked around. "I'm at a café, hanging out with a friend."

Why did he lie? Because 'I rented a room at a hotel since I needed to be alone' sounded too pathetic? No. That wasn't it. He just didn't want anybody to ever be able to find him.

If he hid from the departure of his only friend, did it make him a coward? What kind of moron couldn't survive a parting anyway? He was resting, that was all.

And maybe if Light didn't come to see L off, the detective would have to stay. He'd have to find him again. He would be able to, since he was a genius, and since detectives worked with finding things, and since he was the greatest of them all, but Light was smart, and he could play with L for a while, and he could stop the man from taking that flight and every plane thereafter, and then, L could stay in japan. At least til he found him. His time here would have been prolonged, anyway.

And Light would get stronger during the searching and when the time came, he would manage. He would say goodbye without shedding a tear. It was a genius plan.

No, it was just desperate and stupid. L wouldn't care to that extent. He didn't.

"I...don't want to talk right now, Sayu." And those words were the last Light told his sister before hanging up.

His timing was off. Of all times when he could have gone all weak and scared, this was it? When L was leaving... couldn't he have just waited with falling apart until after the man was already gone? So that he would go thinking Light had made it out unscratched.

'Stupid sun. Stupid summer. Stupid L. Stupid Chicago. Stupid murderer running around over there. Stupid airport. Stupid planes. Stupid hopes and believes in an impossible dream. Stupid, stupid Light.'

Maybe this was all his doing. The pain he felt, had he chosen it for himself? Would the suffering stop if he just changed his state of mind?

Maybe if he hadn't been so selfishly tragic, L could have actually loved him enough to never leave.

* * *

It was sunny. The car was waiting by the hotel entrance, and behind the wheel Watari sat, dependable as always, the only person in his life that constantly remained the same. The elderly gentleman had already arranged for the detective's bags to be brought down, and L himself was just carrying one thing: his laptop, under his arm.

He had never actually thought of telling Light where to meet to say their goodbye, so he flicked his phone open to call the teen. He lifted it to his ear in his usual manner and expected to be met by a response quite soon, because Light was too polite to make people wait. But no, nothing. No answer.

Not even an answering machine.

How weird. Light must have turned if off.

"Ryuzaki?" Watari called from the car, sticking his head out of it. "Are you coming?"

L stared at the cellphone in his hand as if accusing it of hurting him somewhere deep down and personally. He didn't reply on Watari's question: he was too busy wondering what was wrong with his phone, or Light's phone, or the number he had been given.

He tried the number again, carefully dialing it himself this time. And then he waited. Nothing.

A feeling of unease silently settled itself in his stomach. The teen had been a bit upset yesterday, that was true. And he was unstable. L had thought that he had gotten worse this past days, but now, when reflecting over it, it occurred to him that the teen had actually gotten better. He had been beginning to open up to the detective... and L hadn't even noticed. Light had tried to reach out for him and he wasn't there. After the incident with the kiss L had made an effort to hold himself back: not counting the whole 'sneaking into Light's house and touching his feet'- thing.

Or maybe he was just overreacting. Even if Light didn't answer it didn't have to mean he was up to something stupid. His phone might be dead. As if perfect Light would ever forget recharging it. Or he had dropped it and it had gotten ran over by a car. Or Light had gotten ran over by a car.

Which was bad. L was thinking about which flowers to pick up when a hand on his shoulder woke him from his unrealistic thoughts.

"It's about time we get going," Watari said, smiling compassionately; once again it occurred to L that he, if anyone, knew what was going on in L's head.

"Yes," L said. He nodded. "Let us drive past the Yagami household first. I have to bid Li... them all farewell."

"Okay," Watari agreed, and then they both stepped into the car.

During the whole drive, L was absolutely silent. He sat facing the road, but could not remember really seeing anything later, when the car came to a stop in front of the Yagami family's house. He went out of the vehicle and was knocking on the door faster than he usually did anything – except maybe kick people in the face.

The door opened after a few minutes of waiting, under which Watari had made it up to his side. L immediately recognized the worry in the housewife's face as that of hundreds of mothers he had met through the years, when he came to help them find their prodigal sons.

"Where's Light?!" she nearly screamed and grabbed the detective by his collar. "It's you, isn't it? You came bringing all those lies and now you have made him disappear again!"

Watari stepped forward to calmly but firmly remove her hands from the black haired man he had helped to raise, and then he backed away, as much a gentleman as ever.

"I assume Light-kun is not here, then," L said tonelessly, with none of his concerns showing on the outside. "I noticed that his phone was not turned on, but what is it exactly that make you think he has gone missing again?"

Sachiko blinked.

"He... Sayu called him earlier," she said. "He just said he didn't wanna talk to her and then he hang up. I haven't seen him since this morning, and...," she sighed, "there are clothes and other things missing from his room. No note or anything, but... and then I thought, since he went away recently, without telling us, maybe he was with you this time, too." She straightened her back and L could see that she tried her best to calm herself down. "I suppose that's not the case. I apologize for my behavior."

"It is okay," L assured her.

Then he turned to Watari.

"If there is any other number where we might reach him, will you please be sure to get it, and to call it?" he asked him. "I will go up to Light-kun's room to see if there is any clue whatsoever to where he might have gone. This is probably just a matter of us all overreacting, but if it is not, I would like to find him as soon as possible."

Without even waiting for the other man to answer, he went into the house and up the stairs. A strange feeling seemed to reside within him: a fear that made his logical sense go haywire. Was this what it was like to panic?

L found nothing in the room of any interest, except for what Light's mother had already said, and he went downstairs to tell Watari to get in contact with the police, and without thinking once about the flight he was about to miss.

* * *

It was early evening, and no one had been able to get in contact with Light again. This made Sayu the last one to talk to him, and therefore, her own father and L had both taken turns questioning her.

Light hadn't brought a credit card with him, so there was no record to retrieve from there. Though the whole task force that had helped catch Kira – even Matsuda- had been called over to the Yagami house, no progress had been made at all since Light's disappearance was discovered.

L didn't feel like the world's greatest detective then. He didn't even feel like a genius. If he couldn't find his own friend, then what good was he? What could he actually do that was worth something?

Or maybe, he tiredly figured, it was just _because_ Light was his friend that he wasn't able to do anything. Light knew what he thought. He knew how he worked. And he was very smart himself. And it might be the fact that this was Light-kun that prevented L from thinking clearly.

They were all seated in the kitchen, and Sachiko was feeding them. She was devastated from her son gone missing, but she could pull herself together enough to make dinner for them all. You had to admire her. She was strong.

L didn't eat, however. Real food wasn't his cup of tea anyway. He sat beside them, without participating in the conversation, and without getting any attention.

That was good. That meant they didn't notice him when he finally sneaked out. And he did not want any of them to actually look at him: he would see blame in their eyes. He was the one doing this for a living, after all. He was the worthless number one that couldn't bring poor Light-kun back.

Maybe Light was just being melodramatic, L had suggested earlier, and hiding until he thought the detective had left the country. In that case, he and Watari should probably keep away. 'He wouldn't!' Sayu had answered, teary eyed, upset and tired. L had looked away and suddenly found nibbling at his thumb very fascinating.

Now he went out into the hallway and picked up his phone. Watari had left several hours ago to alert other forces that would answer to L, and L felt that he couldn't just stay here without doing anything himself. He called Watari.

"I am going out to look," he said.

Watari sighed.

"Good luck, Ryuzaki," he said, and L could tell from his tone that he was very saddened by this. "Good bye now."

"Good bye."

They hung up, and L left the house without telling anybody else, positive that he wouldn't be missed.

He just had this feeling. You didn't solve cases by relying on feelings, but this seemed so hard, he was willing to try that option. Maybe if he walked around the city and looked for Light... though the chances of finding him this way was incredibly slim, he might get some new ideas from the fresh air. And going to places where Light would usually go could actually give him some leads.

Also, according to the drama queen residing in the teenage genius, Light would want to be found: if not now, so soon enough, and he would want it to be L that found him. So L would have to be him. He would have to try getting into the head of Light Yagami.

But as it got later, no new thoughts that was of any help made an appearance. L had never before felt his brain work so slowly. He needed a sugar rush, if anything.

* * *

Sayu Yagami didn't sleep well at all that night, haunted by the feeling that it was her fault her brother hadn't been found.

* * *

L Lawliet never rested, but kept on searching the streets, like Sayu getting consumed by guilt.

* * *

Sachiko Yagami did not sleep at all. She cleaned the house. She was especially accurate when cleaning her son's room, so that he would come home to nothing short of the best.

* * *

Soichiro Yagami kept his phone switched on, and hoped for it to ring, when he finally managed to fall asleep. It didn't. It lay there quiet on the bedside table until the dawn broke.

* * *

Curled up in a ball, Light Yagami fell asleep on an uncomfortable bed in a cheap hotel room, hating the stench of the surroundings, not wanting to stay here, but too tired to stop himself from drifting off.

* * *

The next day wasn't as bright as the two last. The sky was gray and although the weather wasn't as cold as it had been a week ago, it was colder. The snow had mostly melted away, and now, the only thing the clouds seemed to bring was a promise of rain.

L stood outside Light's school and watched all the students moving into the building. If Light didn't come to school, he was obviously hiding away somewhere. And it was serious.

He had considered, but dismissed, the risk that Light's disappearance wasn't one he had chosen for himself: that something had really happened to the teen. But it was a too precise timing, too convenient, it didn't seem believable. And besides, if he was hurt, they would have found out, if he had been kidnapped or anything of the sort, he could have outsmarted his kidnappers no doubt, and would probably be home by now.

L went in to talk to Light's teachers, and when he came out, his fears had grown even bigger. Light was the top student with the best grades at the whole school, and he wouldn't miss out for something that he didn't deem important.

"Where are you, Light-kun?" L murmured under his breath.

* * *

Light didn't feel well. His head was spinning. His stomach was cramping.

He should have known better than choosing this run down place. But he had known that L knew he couldn't stand anything messy or cheap, and therefore, he had chosen the worst he could find. In that way, L wouldn't be able to find him.

Like he'd be looking.

Light made an attempt to get off of the bed, but with that movement, the whole room tipped over, and it made him so dizzy, he couldn't even think of trying again. He fell back down on top of the dirty cover. No way that he was sleeping _underneath_ it.

He sighed. What now? This whole running away business was beginning to look like a bad idea. To not mention how stupid and childish it made him feel. Well, if it hadn't been for his pride, he would've had already gone back by now to tell his family he was sorry, and to ask for help. He didn't really know when it had happened, but he had begun to accept something that he before had been denying: he really, really was in need of help.

L was in America now, anyway. What was he trying to accomplish?

Sneering at his own stupidity Light made another try to get to his feet. This time, he really thought he was going to succeed. But no, the floor beneath his feet was moving on its own, and he tipped back down on his bed, a total loser who couldn't even stand.

He stared up at the ceiling and wondered what those red lights were, dancing over it.

"I think I am in need of you now, L."

* * *

L was eating a strawberry. It was his tenth, and definitely not his last, since the big bowl in front of him still was halfway filled up. He chewed it carefully, at the same time as watching the people in front of him.

Soichiro was in command of the situation in cases when, as now, L was quiet. He was talking to the other while gesturing wildly: he was obviously upset about something. No doubt the case concerning his own son was a strain on him, and he was now taking it out on his incompetent coworkers. L found himself sympathizing with the older man.

He had used to get annoyed when parents or other relatives of people he was trying to find got hysterical in his presence, but lately, he felt his understanding for such actions had improved.

He was awoken from his staring by his phone ringing. It lay beside the laptop, that stood in front of him, switched on. Worthless. None of his usual tools was of any use now.

The others reacted to his phone ringing: they started, in the silence that had fallen after Soichiro's ramble had ended. They all turned around to glare at him. L met their looks, some annoyed and surprised, others openly accusing him, with a blank stare.

They all seemed to share the incorrect belief that every phone call L received was an important one.

L didn't even check the display before answering. No doubt it was just Watari, who had found some other hardly useful lead.

"Yes?" he replied bluntly.

The answer was a low cough, and a weak: "Lawliet..."

L's eyes widened.

"Light-kun?" he asked, trying to keep control over his voice.

None of the officers at the other side of the room seemed to have noticed; they were chatting with each other about coming up with a new strategy, and the older Yagami had left the room. Matsuda said something which made L vaguely think 'stupid Matsuda'.

"Where are you?! We are all looking for you, and..."

"All?" Light interrupted. "Does that mean... L, where are you?"

"I'm in your house," L muttered. "Now, Light- kun, that is not what's vital here... where are you?"

A sound he absolutely hadn't thought he would hear in this situation was now reaching his ears. Light was laughing.

"Why is Light-kun...?" L was bewildered.

"You stayed," was the reply, with a hint of a smile in the broken voice.

L just frowned. What had he expected?

"Of course, I did!" he said. "What did Light-kun believe?"

That question was only met with silence. After a minute of it, L tried to think of something to say, to find out the other's location, to assure him that he didn't have to hide away anymore, but before he could, Light finally spoke:

"I will give you... I'll tell you where I am, if you promise to come alone," he said. His voice sounded muffled. "L... Ryuzaki... Lawliet..."

"Yes, that sounds good," L agreed, keeping a watchful eye on the rest of the persons in the room. "Please tell me."

Light whispered a name of a hotel L would never have thought of checking. The moment thereafter, he hung up.

"That is good, Watari," L said into the phone. "Goodbye now."

It took some effort to make it look like natural when he got up. He started to walk towards the door as normally as he could, putting his one hand in his pocket, and raising the other one to his mouth, to bite his thumb. He felt that he was only trying to imitate some other person's movements when he did this, and was very afraid that someone else would notice. But no, he was too good for them; he passed them, and they didn't give him a second glance. It probably helped that they were all more or less angry with him right now: he didn't know if it was because Soichiro had actually said anything, or if they all silently blamed him for their own reasons.

L Lawliet had completely forgotten about the strawberries when he left to find his first love.

L didn't know if Watari driving him would count for him not coming alone in Light's weird world, so instead, he called a cab.

When the driver dropped him off at the given address, his feet had barely hit the street before he broke into a run. Quite an awkward one, rewarding him with a lot of sidelong looks. He ran into the hotel and past a woman who sat behind a desk stuffed with things, with a cigarette in her hand which she just took a drag on, all the while trying to paint her nails. The cheap place held an awful stench, a sort of soiled aura. Not that L hadn't seen worse; he just couldn't imaging Light setting as much as a foot on this floor, or even in this neighborhood.

Light had told him his room number, so he went straight over there. He barged into the room in a less than polite manner and was so happy when he really saw the boy lying on the bed – he had suspected him of lying. It was Light, after all – that he for once in his life actually felt like crying out in joy. Or do a little uncharacteristic dance or something of the sort.

* * *

Light felt L's fingers against his forehead. He knew it was L's fingers because no other person ever touched him like that; so carefully, not really sure of what he was doing.

He opened his eyes. He couldn't remember actually closing them: they must have just fell shut on their own. He looked up into a face so familiar, he for one moment thought that he was still at home. L had sneaked into his room again and was now pestering him in the middle of the night. Yeah, like that.

But wait, his room didn't smell like this. And it wasn't so ugly. He must really be confused, to mix his beautiful room up with this. His weakness was suffocating; the feeling of an utter defeat flowing through his veins. He ate, didn't he?

When was the last time?

"How is Light-kun?" L asked.

Light was glad to hear that there was worry in his voice. L hadn't deserted him. L was with him.

"I'm...fine," he said slowly, doing his best to force his tongue to cooperate. "I'm not... hurting." And then, he felt the tears streaking his cheeks, and he added: "I'm not crying."

"Yes you are, Light-kun," L said.

Light didn't have energy enough to get angry. He just snorted weakly.

"I'm not," he said and tried to sound convincing. "I..." With a little gasp, he gave it up. What was the point of denying it, anyway?

"Why did you call me?" L wondered. "If you thought I had left Japan, why did you chose to call me?"

"I am crying," Light admitted. Was it so easy?

Had he just said it out loud? He had just admitted to something that proved him to be weak. Why had he done that? What was wrong with him now? Despite everything else, that was a line he didn't cross.

But to L's question, he said nothing. Why reply when the only reply was a dumb: 'Because your number was the one I could recall'?

Now his parents couldn't be proud of him. This catastrophe of a runaway and the way he had upset them... what sort of person was he? To do that to them.

"I...think I am in need of help, L," Light's tongue remarked, without him wanting it to. "If I... If I make sure to get some help... that is professional... I don't know, some institution or something..." he hesitated, but decided that he had already said too much, that what he said now didn't even matter anymore: "Will you stay with me?"

L thought about Chicago. He thought about the thousands of other cases that needed to be solved right away, and all the people he could help.

"If I had had any decency in me, and been the least bit unselfish," he said, "I would have said 'no', and then, I would have gone off to help others, that need me more than you do. But I told you before that I am a selfish person, did I not?"

Light only thought of one thing to answer to this, a thing that L no doubt already knew, and that he was the one not acknowledging up til now. The thing that had made his body give up on him at this accursed place, the reason he couldn't stand.

"L, I don't eat."

* * *

**The end.**

**So, that was it XD! Hope I didn't disappoint you. I didn't wanna drag it out too much in the end. Aaaand, you got your happy ending:)! I had to, it's soon Christmas... I had to have L staying with him! Nah. I personally dislike most happy endings, but this one, I couldn't resist! And don't you worry, Light'll get through it. Light is strong! Light can write so that it's readable when he's been shot like three times and have nothing but a fingertip, a tiny puny bit of paper and blood! Light can do anything!!**

**...this was actually quite long... but I said one chapter, and I wanted to avoid a cliffhanger. And yay, I did!**

**Please give me your thoughts.:) **

**Thanks again to everybody for their support throughout this story. I am so glad to have you:).**

**Merry Christmas to all of you and a happy new year! That I actually finished this so quickly, can't believe it^^. **


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